The blahs and just general malaise

This spring has been full of starts and stops and I keep waiting for it to actually stick.  One day it is bright, sunny and warm out and the next day it is cold and cloudy.  My mood seems to follow this ebb and flow of the weather too.  Last week it was so sunny and so warm (a bit too warm for my non-air-conditioned house) and I was happy and soaring with the thought that spring had finally arrived and hoping that it would stay warm.  I brought out my favoritist brightly colored sun dresses and wore them with abandon. This week it is cloudy and downright cold and I am cranky and the world just feels so very blah.

After I took the bar at the end of February, I had great hopes for the start of Spring.  I figured that out here in warm California land, like my home state of Texas, March would signal the end of the coolness and the beginning of the warm up to summer.  I was very much looking forward to the new start.  I would be done studying and worrying about the bar and I could begin to get my life (and the house!) back in order again.  While I studied through rainy, cold February I imagined myself sitting outside at a cafe sipping coffee and typing away on my computer while the warm sun warmed my shoulders.

Alas, this did not happen.  It has gotten warm a couple of times, only to get cold again.  I feel like actual spring/summer has to be quite around the corner, I am just not sure where or when it will appear.  I feel like this mirrors my life at the moment.  I am trying to start out on a new path, but at times it is harder than I expected.  I feel like there is something wonderful out there just waiting to happen or for me to stumble upon, but I don’t really know where it is or how to get to it.

I keep retreating in: back to the safety of my home.  I am sleepy in the morning and it is hard to leave my warm bed.  I feel like I need to be dealing with things at home and getting them prepared for something.  I am just not quite sure what that something is.  Even my yoga lately has been very slow and I seldom have the energy to get through the more difficult sequences or hold a pose for very long.  I find myself often choosing child’s pose instead of holding down dog or taking the extra vinyassa.   I am no good at waiting so whatever I am waiting for, I hope it reveals itself soon and I can go back to being me: back to bounding out of bed in the morning, back to attacking my to do list with excitment and lots of energy and back to a yoga practice where pushing myself to new levels feels so good to my muscles and my body.

Spring, wherever you are, I am waiting for you!  Not so patiently, but I am doing my best.

One thought on “The blahs and just general malaise

  1. Very well said. I can’t promise that Northern California will have a consistent spring or summer – but there will be many more warm days.

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