Weight dilemmas: Where’s the peace?

I have always struggled with my weight.  I love to eat and there is such an emotional tie for me to food.  I also yearn to be one of those French women who only eat a couple of bites of everything and seem to be effortlessly thin.  I remember when I was about 10 and I weighed 106 pounds and I was a bit chubby so I decided that I needed to get back down to 100.  Needless to say, I grew before I could lose the weight.  In my adult life (well at least since I stopped growing), I have gone back and forth with my weight.  I lost 20 pounds in high school and got down to my thinnest at 150 and then went to college and promptly started the upward climb.  Then there was law school and campaigns and taking the bar and just general unhappiness which topped me out at 5′ 11″ and 190.  According to the doctor’s charts, I should be somewhere between 143-174 for my height.  So it was time to do something.  So I joined weight watchers and got back down to 158.  Then there was my honeymoon, a move cross country and taking the bar again and again.  This has taken me back up to about 173, which is right on the line of acceptable from a health standpoint.

My vice is mainly sugar and I work to try to figure out how to manage it.  My younger sister, Peggy, and I are constantly trying to figure out what will help to keep us on a moderation track.  We have tried all sorts of things and generally it seems that avoiding it is the only full proof way to do it.  However, this isn’t sustainable either because at my birthday I want a piece of cake and at other times there is such a connection between something that someone has made for you that you don’t want to not be able to have some of it.  But once I start eating it, it is very hard to stop myself. Then there is the barrage of other junky bad for you things that you encounter in everyday life and have to attempt to avoid which is really hard.  I get worn down or am tired or hungry and then I eat it.

This gets further complicated at the moment because Alex and I would like to have a baby.  Foremost, I don’t want the baby to have the same sugar addiction that I do.  This means that I really need to somehow reach a happy ground with the sugar sometime soon.  Secondly, I would like to think that I can eat more healthy and cut out the chemically things that I eat and just generally be healthy about my food choices.  The problem is when I get to work and there are nacho cheese Doritos staring me in the face or yummy chocolate from See’s and I am almost drawn to them, or when I have just finished dinner and I want a bit of something sweet.  Or a million other times when it seems somewhat appropriate or yummy to have something that I know isn’t good for me.  It is so enticing and so far I have no lasting good solution to this.  Peggy is starting her residency and really worried about gaining weight and eating too much because she is tired and stressed.  So I think we are going to implement the start of another no sugar stretch and see how it goes this time.  It is always easier to do it together because then we are accountable to someone else.

As a forerunner to this, a friend has recommended a juice cleanse (the juice is so tasty!) and allowed me to borrow her juicer so I think I am going to embark on it first.  The juicing is connected to yoga and meditation and just generally exploring your relationship with food.  The juice follows your chakras.  So for instance you start with the root chakra which is red so the juices that you drink that day are red.  It also combines the juicing with a broth too.  It sounds interesting and fun so we will see how it goes.  This journey is an ongoing one and perhaps sometime I will come to a point of peace about it all.

One thought on “Weight dilemmas: Where’s the peace?

  1. I know I’m jumping the gun here, but I just wanted to encourage you to nurse, as I’m sure you are already at least considering, once you give birth. It will both help you lose weight (I have lost 30 pounds since giving birth 6 days ago… mostly just water weight, but still) and will set your child up to help avoid diabetes, obesity, and a variety of other illnesses.

    The other thing I have noticed is the purity of the hunger cycle of a newborn. She’s hungry, she eats, she’s satisfied, she stops. If only my relationship with food were so simple! Breastmilk is the perfect food for her and not only do I get to witness her grow on food I’ve made, it’s helping me make good eating choices.

    Best wishes to you! I didn’t lose the weight I had wanted to on WW before the baby got here, but I’m already being healthier now that she’s here.

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