Last Friday, I went for my first run since Walter was born. Yesterday I went back to mysore and today I went running again. I am beginning the very slow climb back to some sense of in shapenss and baby weight loss. It is a rather interesting experience. On one hand, I am super excited to be back at it again. It was really hard when I was pregnant because I knew that each time I went to yoga or for a run that the next time would be more difficult. I was in a downward slide physically as I got more and more pregnant and I knew that at any point I would have to stop until after Walter was born. So now it is wonderful to know that at this point I am at my worst and it will only get better from here. Each run should get easier and I will gain more and more of my yoga practice again.
Now the flip side of that….it hurts! It is painful in a way that in the past, I would be cursing myself for stopping working out for whatever reason I had and swear to never stop working out again. The fact that I have a perfectly good reason for stopping this time doesn’t seem to make the pain any less. Alex decided to be my trainer and encourage me to run faster. My legs felt like jelly after about two minutes. My body also feels foreign to me. When I run I feel oddly disconnected and just plain awkward. I can feel all the fat bouncing and bearing down on my c-section incision. In my practice, I notice that I have no arm strength to do chaturanga dandasanas or really an pose that requires me to use my arms as a substantial part of the pose. I am just plain weak.
I have always thought of myself as strong physically. I have never been super skinny, but I always have had physical strength from doing work on the farm when I was growing up or staying active as I grew older. To lose that strength gives me pause and makes me think about my self perception and listen to that voice in the back of my mind that says, “your body is different now, please be nice to it,” and wonder exactly what that means for me in the coming months. The one thing that is still the same is how good it feels to finish the workout and how fantastic the shower afterwards feels.